May 16 2022
Written by Sister ShiaRose
I was around Muslims since I was a teenager, yet I wasn’t informed about Islam because all I seen was “Muslims” I had ignorance in my heart as I generalized about all the Muslims I wasn’t at that point in time willing to see the truth I guess one could say I was “deaf dumb and blind”? I refused to see the truth and For many years as I played follow the leader with my friends I teased the Muslim women calling them oppressed and basically not in control of their own mind when in fact it was me that wasn’t thinking with my own mind I was following my friends.
Though I said all these things I felt compelled towards these modest women of which I secretly admired in my heart I would never admit these things out of fear that my friends would reject me. I was not a very good Christian for most of my youth but then as I was getting older I realized that I needed spirituality so I started attending church and became “born again” I was quite passionate about my church ,my new family at the church and my new personal relationship with God as I loved God with a passion I couldn’t explain.
I went every Wednesday and Sunday to church and we had many activities between those times I was on a roll yet I hadn’t studied much into Christianity I just went on what the preacher said. I started dating a Muslim and I started to try to convince him of Christianity and was pleading with him to accept Jesus (Little that I knew he already accepted Jesus As I soon found out.)I started to have religious conversations with my boyfriend’s brother about the faiths which brought about doubts about my faith in Christianity. I tried to suppress these doubts by convincing myself that it was the devil leading me to such doubts, but the thought was there so I had to see for myself .So as any confused individual would do I went in search of truth (actually hoping to prove Islam wrong) it would have been a lot easier than admitting I was wrong.
First of all I spoke with my pastor and he told me that Muslims deny Jesus as a messenger and as the son of God .He warned me that Muslims would claim to love Jesus so we (Christians) would open our heart and accept Muslims So they could in effect get the souls of the Christians (almost like a competition between Muslims and Christians) I later found out that the competition was purely from the Christians side. my pastor then told me that he himself had doubts before but he overcame those doubts thru love of Jesus Christ .which led me to the question that I think made him upset with me I said If he had doubts why did he not go seek the truth instead of having just blind faith, I also made the comment that if he was so sure in faith He would not be afraid of seeking further into it for if he seeked truth he would have been set free “the truth will set you free” If he was so confident then why not as a reconfirmation of faith confirm the truth yet he denied that simply saying thru the love of Jesus we will be saved and doubting the love of Jesus was a grave sin.
Well My next step towards truth was going to the Mosque. I remember entering the mosque for the first time I wasn’t wearing Hijjab(veil) and the lady came over to me and handed me a hijjab So I put it on out of respect. The first thing I noticed was a wall hanging that said “In the name of Allah most gracious most merciful” I was taken back by that phrase as I stood there in a trance I thought about those words that had so much meaning to them My first thought was “most gracious what would God be gracious to mere sinners like us since we were born sinners why would we have such an honor” I then I concentrated with the words Most merciful wow a God that is automatically merciful forgives our sins because he is merciful “I was astonished at these words I mean this whole time I was searching for a personal relationship with Allah All mighty thru Christianity when in fact the relationship I could only dream of forming was thru Islam. See in Christianity I realized that your relationship with God is thru Jesus and well I am sorry but I believe that if we need an intercessor then the relationship is no longer “personal” i.e. becoming as personal as the relationship you have with your insurance company thru the mail carrier. As I was standing there a lady approached me and asked if I needed help I replied Can I purchase a Quran she replied no need to If you do me a favor I will give you a Quran I said of course So she then took Me in the bathroom (I was a bit hesitant) but I went anyway She went to the sink and washed her hands, face, arms head and feet each three times and she showed me how to do this and she explained it was purification For reading the Quran and praying. I thanked her As she handed me a Quran and a couple books One book teaching Salat and the other about Fatimah Al Zahra “Fatimah the gracious “we bid farewell as I went on my way .I read the Quran for all of that week As I was very intrigued with the stories in it and well to be honest before I was even through with Surah Albaqarah (the second book in the Quran) I was convinced of the truth in it .The following Friday I went back to the same mosque and said My Shahaddah…..LA ILLAHA ILLALLA MOHAMMEDUN RASOOLILAH ALLAH HU AKBAR ALLAH HU AKBAR ALLAH HU AKBAR
In February of 2001 I purchased a computer and immediately learned How to chat. I went to yahoo rooms mainly and conversated with many brothers and sisters. I remember giving this sister a site about some miracles of Islam and she quickly got harsh with me. She said that is a SHIA SITE and SHIAS ARE KAFFERS. Well this astonished me because in fact I was Shia yet I did not know much about what Shias believed. In fact, I didnt know much about Sunnis either. My husband is Sunni but we never discussed religious matters so I decided to come on the net to learn more about what Sunni’s believed.
As I sat in chat rooms, I defended my belief as a Shia yet my knowledge was very limited so I couldnt argue with people. I still remember being ashamed of myself when salafis would win arguments due to my lack of knowledge. As I grew to know many of the Muslims, I befriended many of them (salafis mostly) and they started teaching me about what they considered True Islam to be. Many of them grew very tolerant to my questions knowing I hadnt equipped myself with enough knowledge of the Shia path.
As I learned more and more it seemed that Shias were wrong but I never verbalized it until one day I went to a store with a friend and the owner of the store was Iraqi who was Shia and became salafi. As I sat in his store, I read many books pertaining to the salafeh saleh and it seemed rather logical still I didnt believe. So, one day the owner asked me to stay at the store while he ran some errands and I said yes. As I was sitting in the store a brother came in who also was Shia and became salafi and we started to talk. He told me that Imam Khomeini (ra) stated that Ali is a physical form of Allah (astaghfirr Allah) and he informed me that he knew more about Shias then I would ever know. As we discussed more and more, I became convinced of what he was saying. I thought to myself well why would he lie. He used to be Shia and now is salafi so obviously he had more knowledge than me. I did not question him further as I had submitted to his lies and decided that I wouldnt even ask for daleel(truth) since there was no place, he could show me from. *i.e. in Khomeini’s books*.
As I started to become salafi I surrounded myself around more and more salafi sisters. I see how they were and admired them for their strength and Eman. I was almost envious because they were so knowledgeable. I much like many new reverts expected that extremism had to be right. I thought because they were so extreme that they had to be right so I retook my shahaddah in front of some sisters in Ohio and proclaimed to the world that I was salafi. As time passed, I started ridiculing Shias ever so much to the point of calling them kaffers and saying I couldnt eat their meat. I had Shia friends still but I always thought they were wrong so I stopped associating with them.
One day as I nestled down on my comfy chair, I read Sahih Bukhari as I did every night to increase my knowledge and I came across the hadith that talked about the tragedy of Thursday. Just then I remembered reading the same hadith in a book called then I was Guided and remembered where I hid it so I got up to get it to read it more. I do admit though that I was looking to read it so I could have a better argument against the Shias. I sat down on my bed with My Quran on my lap, Then I was guided in my hands, and Bukhari sitting on the bed next to me so I could reference it. As I read this book, I started doubting more and more what My beliefs were. I found the references in Bukhari and the Quran and wished I had Sahih Muslim to reference from that also but I was satisfied with Bukhari. As I read further and further into the book, I threw it a few times in complete frustration. I always went and picked it up so I could read it again. I didnt know what to do after reading that book and I just fell on my face weeping and crying to Allah for guidance.
I was so depressed because I didnt know how to please Allah. I asked Allah to send me a sign or to do something that would show me which path I should take and He did. It was rather weird also because it came via the internet. After I was finished praying, I went to the internet to perhaps get some answers to some of Tijanis questions. My msn messenger popped up that I had a message so I went to read it. It was a sister looking for someone to accompany her to Washington Dc for the Rally for Palestine. Well of course I was truly happy because I called all the Masjids previously that day to find a seat on a bus so I could go but to no avail. I wrote the sister back saying I was willing to go and I would even help out with the finances for the trip. I eagerly awaited her reply. She wrote me back a couple hours later and said that she was about to go to sleep and just give up when she just had the feeling to check her email. She was surprised to see that I wrote her and she was quite happy to have me. So, we connected on AOL messenger to talk more about it. She picked me up the next morning and we were off to Washington.
As we were in the car I told her about being salafi and how I was having doubts and just as she started telling me about the Ahlul Bayt I remembered that I asked Allah to guide me and show me a sign. I kept this inside as I listened to her speak about the Ahlul Bayt and the way of the Shia. I tried to tell her some of the things that I heard but she quickly refuted them. As we were traveling, we got tired and decided to spend the night at a Hotel. I was so tired so this came as a blessing to me. I also needed to pray because it passed the time. As I stood in prayer with my arms crossed, I was so nervous. What if she thought I was wrong What if she interrupted me during my prayer to correct me as many salafis ladies have done? I couldnt even concentrate but I finished my prayer without a peep from her. After I was finished praying, I felt the need to explain or rather excuse my methods of praying and she informed me that it was ok.
As we talked throughout the night, she told me that she has PhDs in religion and she has studied religion allot. I was impressed and kept asking her questions. We didnt get much sleep that night because I had so many questions and she had the answers to them. I felt so fulfilled after I woke up that I rushed to pray before she woke up. As I stood in prayer I prayed like a Shia and felt so much Taqwa and Utter light upon my heart. The same light I felt when I became a Muslim in the first place.
On the way to Washington we visited some of her Husband’s friends in VA and they were so kind. I also asked them many questions trying to take advantage of every moment of my journey. We attended the Rally and it was a success and I was just so happy to have gone. On the way back I told her that I know that Allah has guided me back to the path of Shia Islam and I wanted to take my Shahaddah. So, on the freeway I Stated ASHADU ANLA ILLAHA ILLALLA WA ASHADU ANA MOHAMMEDUN RASOOLILAH WA ASHADU ANLA ALIUN WALI ALLAH…
She started crying and I did also. When I returned and told my husband and friends of my discovery, they all thought I was a joke. They said next I will be Buddhist. But whos laughing now. I am and forever will be SHIA insh Allah. Alhamdoolilah.
Having your eyes covered by duct tape is never someones choice,
Through arrogance the Shaitan will keep the tape on your eyes.
If you want to see you have to pull the tape back.
It may hurt but the beauty is worth it.
Try it; pull the tape back a little.
Tell me do you like what you see?
Do you want to see more?
It’s ok. It will hurt but the pain goes away.
Soon as the tape is off the beauty from Allahs light will overpowered the pain,
What are you waiting for?